Why You’re Not Broken: Understanding the Protective Parts of You
If you’ve ever wondered why you keep falling into the same patterns—shutting down, snapping at people, avoiding what matters to you—you’re not alone.
And you’re not broken.
What if those reactions weren’t failures, but clues about what your nervous system needs?
You're Not Self-Sabotaging—You're Protecting Yourself
What we often call self-sabotage is usually a part of us trying to help.
Maybe it’s the perfectionist that keeps you hustling, the inner critic that won’t let you rest, or the avoider that convinces you to scroll instead of feel. These are your “protector parts”—parts of your nervous system that learned to keep you safe by staying ahead of disappointment, disconnection, or rejection.
They’re not bad. They’re just tired.
Polyvagal Theory: Your Body’s Built-In Alarm System
Your nervous system is constantly scanning for safety. If something feels threatening—even just emotionally threatening—your body reacts automatically.
According to polyvagal theory, you might move into:
Fight or flight (anxiety, irritability, overthinking), or
Freeze or shut down (numbness, avoidance, collapse)
These are not character flaws. They’re survival responses.
You didn’t choose them—but your body learned they helped.
What About Insight? Why Change Can Feel Impossible
If you’ve ever said,
“That’s just how I am,”
you’re experiencing something called ego-syntonic reasoning. It means the behavior feels like a natural part of you—even if it’s painful. You don’t question it because it’s what your system knows best.
But when you start to notice discomfort, shame, or disconnection, you’re moving into ego-dystonic territory:
“This isn’t working anymore, and I want something different.”
That’s where healing begins.
What Healing Actually Looks Like
Real healing isn’t about getting rid of the parts of you that feel hard to love.
It’s about learning how to build a relationship with them.
In therapy, we explore:
What these parts are trying to protect
How your body responds to threat
What safety can look and feel like for you now
We slow down, get curious, and help your nervous system unlearn fear and practice connection.
You don’t have to force insight or compassion.
We build it together, slowly.
You’re Not Broken—You’re Brave
The parts of you that react, avoid, or judge are not signs of failure.
They’re signs of resilience.
You made it through what you had to by adapting in the best way your body knew how. And now, you get to choose what happens next.
You’re not starting from scratch.
You’re starting from strength.
💛 Ready to reconnect with yourself?
If you're feeling stuck in patterns that don’t reflect who you want to be—or if you just want to feel more regulated, grounded, and safe—we’re here to support you.
🔗 Schedule a session or explore our healing tools.
